Enraptured

As a little boy I tried, once, at age 5, to play "you show me yours and I'll show you mine." It failed, miserably. I was an only child, and my mother went on to teach me, through example, words and deeds, that nudity was improper and embarrassing and that any sexual activity (she even had a problem with me getting married) was shameful and wrong.

Of course, when I got older she clarified things a bit, and said that she and my dad had no problems in that area, but the information was too little, too late.

Of course, we all had weird childhoods and we can all blame our parents for everything. I'm just letting you know how I became weird in my way . . . and my parents cannot be to blame for everything, and they had some strong points.

Back to nudity. I grew up in the USA in the early 1970s. We had to shower, daily, at school. But I tend to follow my convictions, so I refused. Sometimes I was forced, by the teacher standing over me to make sure I stripped and actually showered. As I made my way towards the shower room, wrapped in my towel, the boys shouted to announce my coming. It was a carnival for them. They would rip my towel from me, hide my clothes, mock my size (I was the smallest boy in height and other dimensions in my class), and I would run, sometimes slip, into the showers, try to get one running, get one or more drops on me, then try to find a towel that anyone had left in the locker room, then try to find my clothes.

Yet I loved school. Had very little social contact at school, but I read and read, all the time. Went on to do three years of college then five years more study after that. Earned a couple of degrees and letters behind my name.

But a volcano was building in me. As it does in every male. All males are sexual, all are dirty, all are dangerous.

At eleven I was thinking about sex and, slowly, a strong hetero drive built up in me, naturally. The homoerotic drive is in about every boy, too. That is why they wrestle, abuse, tie each other up (in games) and do countless other things. Males do have sex with males - it just doesn't involve any sex. It involves domination, teasing, friendship, changing one's clothes in front of each other [of course, times are changing, and males are somewhat less male these days, but that is a topic for my other blog, Fraternity Alive].

I grew up in a small, isolated town. Homoerotic feelings were forbidden and unthinkable. I crushed mine at every opportunity, but that part of me was building itself, too.

And, like most men throughout history, when the homo feelings started to feel so strong that I was afraid I would act on them, I started having sex with my girlfriend. Then, still fearful, I married someone.

You see, someone with homoerotic feelings (as in, every male who has ever lived), usually has an advantage. In most (or many) cultures in history, where homosexuality is forbidden, secretive or very limited, you push yourself to seek women to slake your lust. This works for some people to some degree. Everyone is different in the details.

But my immaturity led to marital problems. I have come to accept my homoerotic interests as normal, and accept that they may be expressed ONLY in socially acceptable manners, such as art.

Sadly, the world is becoming so stupid, once again, that it is starting to condemn even ordinary art such as the ones on this site.

If they want a fight, I hope I am up for it.

Long live man!

and woman!

We men have starting treating women a bit better,
now lay off us men! Stop trying to shame us
and stop trying to make us feel that our feelings are
unnatural.

All kinds of homoerotic feelings are natural,
but I don't recommend, and I even condemn, some
actions they might motivate.

Live within the right boundaries (I am not condemning actions
between adults as much as I am condemning child abuse).